Will Work For Shoes is moving!!

This will be my last blog post here on Blogger as I am moving over to Wordpress. There are a few reasons behind the move, but it's easier not to go into them!!!

Drop by my new home ... Will Work For Shoes on WordPress.

A very quick catch up!!

Well after being badgered by my daughter and receiving phone calls and emails from my real life friends over the last couple of weeks ... I figured I had really better spend some time sitting down catching up on everything here!

It hasn't been brilliant ... but I guess that much is obvious or I would have posted about anything fabulous eh! The business is still ticking over and I have got an accountant on board now who already has my first batch of paperwork. To make it easy to explain the paperwork is broken down into four bits. The first three bits are the absolutely MUST have filed asap for the tax man. I've done two out of three of those and am working on the last third. The final fourth bit will bring me absolutely up to date as far as being current goes - so that is really where I want to be, but all in good time.

I'll admit I have been deeply buried in paperwork recently, especially during the day. I am trying to split my time so that during the day I am home and around with the children because I HATE dragging them into work with me and they hate being there! I've been doing the numbers, designing flyers, working on the website ... ohh and cleaning the house during the day, and then as soon as hub is through the door at 6pm I'm off out into the workshop!

The earliest I am generally home is 8.30-9pm and it's often later than that in the evening, so to be truthful, the last thing I've felt like doing when I sit down and relax after work late at night is getting on here and moaning & complaining about how stressed out I am!! Who'd want to read about that! LOL

So anyway! I have so many things to update on, but only about ten minutes I can justify sitting here before hub will be home and I'll need to go into the workshop!!

Wednesday Market

Well .... the market stall is covering costs and that is about it! This is a pic from a couple of weeks ago and each week the stall looks better and better. All of the scented votives are in the middle section, and at both ends I have smaller displays with incense and floating candles. It's a VERY long day to be up at 5am, out of the house by 6.15am and then not home until usually around 7.30pm by the time I've unpacked everything back at the workshop.

It's very disheartening to know that I have such great products - not blowing my own trumpet, but I DO ... yet people just aren't buying. It's the same whoever you talk to and whatever business they are in ... it's slow everywhere. I stand there ALL day and just about cover the cost of the pitch and the cost of the stock that I had to sell to cover the cost of the pitch (if you read that properly and say it out loud it does make sense!) I get nowhere near covering the cost of my time standing there all day when I actually could have spent that day filling orders.

Why do I do it? Because the summer is always slow and because once I've got my pitch established and people start to see me as a familiar face on the market ... we'll be just about ready for silly season and the early Christmas shoppers will be all over me like a rash!!

Well that is the plan anyway!!

Right, hi ho, hi ho it's off to work I go! With a bucket and spade and a hang grenade hi ho, hi ho!

Friday Five (25th July 08)

Metaphorically Speaking ...

1. When you go to the beach, lake, or pool, are you more likely to lower yourself gradually into cold water or to take a determined plunge and get it over with? Ooooh I do both! I start off with a gradual lowering of my body parts but then will take the plunge and get it over with in one go!

2. How is this like (or unlike) your approach to other tasks or ordeals? LOL I really didn't see this question coming!! It's bizarre but yeah that's pretty much me! Procrastinate for ages then jump in feet first!!

3. When someone gives you flowers, are you more likely to let them turn completely brown and gross before throwing them out, or to discard them the moment they take on that sick-flower look? Well it's been a LONG time since anyone gave me flowers!!! I don't ever let them die and turn yucky brown - I'll bin them long before that.

4. How is this like (or unlike) your approach to other gifts, purchases, or relationships? Funnily enough - NOTHING like it. I tend to hang on to things for far longer than is healthy. That probably applies to gifts, purchases AND relationships. Maybe I need a big purge!

5. Think of your favorite movie (or a movie you really like, if you can’t think of a favorite). Some people say that the reasons you love your favorite movie are related to what you value in romantic relationships. How is this true or untrue in your case? Welllll I have a ton of favourite movies, but the ones I'll always watch over and over again are the sappy romantic comedies! How true is this to what I value in romantic relationships? It's actually bang on true!! I CRAVE romance! I can't remember the time I felt literally swept off my feet or caught up in a moment *sigh*

Dangit I'm melancholy now!! When WAS the last time I felt like that??? I seriously can't actually remember and the only thing that comes to mind was over a decade ago when I was kissed outside in the pouring rain - no, torrential downpours and the rain didn't matter - just me, him and the moment.

A funeral, a 6 hour drive and a new melter! YEAH!

Well finally I am getting somewhere! When my melter packed up and died last night it was all I could do to not wallow in self pity because it's been the way things have gone recently!! It's seemed that no matter how many steps forward I've taken, I've ended up behind even more!

It seriously had me questioning whether it is all worth it because it really is just one thing after another and for a nano-second I considered shutting it all down!!! How can a candlemaker make candles and get ready for two market days with no wax melter? LOL

Anyway after some late night surfing and research last night, I tracked down a local bee farm and they had the melter I use in stock! YEAH! Soooo this morning, on the way to Wiltshire for my Uncle Bill's funeral, I drove 20 mins out of the way to pick up the melter. It cost more than one I could have bought online and had delivered, but I was able to get it TODAY and that makes a huge difference! I'll take time over money any day!!

The funeral went okay ... the weird part was being in a room full of family and not knowing half all their names. The last time we all met up was at the last family funeral. In a morbid sense it made me wonder who would be next. The last funeral was my uncle Ashley and before that it was my dad.

Anyway, after I got back to the workshop and plugged in the melter I had a big smile on my face!!!

FINALLY I have ... (in no particular order!!)

• A working phone line
• A dead PC but a laptop that can be used instead
• Working broadband and an internet connection
• A functional wax melter
• No excuses not to be working!!!

It feels good! It feels goooooooooooood!! God I am so short on time that I couldn't have managed if I hadn't got hold of a melter today! Tomorrow I have Megan's friends coming over for a girlie day and a cinema trip plus a sleepover so I won't be able to work ... that literally leaves Sunday to do EVERYTHING!!

Ugh! LOL

OMG BUSY!!!!!!

The last few days have officially all rolled in to one! Today has been a day from hell but it's too late at night and I am too tired to get into it right now - it'll have to wait! UGH I am busy, stressed and there is too much to do and not enough time to do it all...

Plus my wax melter died ... yeah don't ask!

Megan had a birthday!

Well I am now the scared owner of a ten year old daughter! I *think* she had a lovely day ... we certainly spent an absolute FORTUNE on her!! She has a birthday treat coming up this weekend too - I'm taking her and three of her friends to the cinema then back here for pizza!

I do have piccies from her birthday, but I'm posting this after getting back from market so I'll update this with pics when I've had a chance to look for my cable!!

Do I need to make more adjustments?

A commenter on my blog suggested that perhaps I need to learn how to make adjustments with my family so that I didn't find myself so stressed and burned out. I have to say ... it's always easy to make suggestions from the outside, and anyone looking in would see it as an obvious thing, but life just isn't that simple!

I have already adapted and made a LOT of changes to my life to fit a good work / life balance ... and truthfully yes, the life half HAS been slipping lately as I have been focussed on work, but I still make sure that I spend quality time with the children every day and that's what it is all about - in my opinion anyway!

I AM working a lot of hours at the moment, and during the school summer holidays it will be worse because I'll have the children during the day and ONLY be able to work evenings and weekends (aside from Wednesdays at the market), but I'm also doing this for them! They want to have nice things, they want the latest this and that - and because they ARE good kids (most of the time!!) I'd love to be able to treat them and reward them more often.

Yes I know, it's not about money and materialistic posessions - it's about growing up in a safe and loved environment ... but c'mon, when all your friends have really cool clothes and you are wearing school trousers that are too short and tops that don't fit you anymore - then the materialistic stuff DOES matter.

I've felt ashamed and embarrassed some days when I've sent the kids off to school because their uniforms have needed replacing for so long and there just hasn't been the money for it. Both of them have so few clothes in their wardrobes that fit properly and let's not get started on the shoes that are falling to pieces!!

THIS is why I do it. This is why I work hard! It's so I can turn around a flagging business, bring it right up to exactly where it needs to be and for my kids to have the benefit of it!!

A good day ... but damnit I need my own space!!!

Well wow! Today I was at St Symphorians church hall in Durrington - a local church fete and I really hadn't expected much from it, so it was a real turnaround when takings were actually better than they were at the market this week!!!

I am in a weird/strange place right now - read it however you like. Damnit sometimes I wish family & real life friends didn't read this because I could be a lot more honest than I actually am about my "situation."

I CRAVE my own space. I NEED my own space.

And yesterday she did sleep!!

I was fairly okay when I woke up in the morning yesterday, but the tiredness hit as the day went on and I felt more and more tired. I picked the kids up from school and the last thing I remember is looking at the clock at 4pm.

I'd fallen on the sofa and woke up around 9pm ... ooops!

Market Day!!

The sun was shining - it was a lovely day and I covered costs and made some profit! Even getting up at 5am wasn't so bad today.

I have so many ideas for stall display! Last week was utter shite because of the weather so it didn't really count ... really this week is counted as my first week, so all things considered I did okay ... Next week will be even better! Last week I had two pasting tables that pretty much fell to pieces - this week I had my proper stock shelves and it looked so much better, but still so much room for improvement!!

Ohh here's a pic of the votives! with their new labels! See, I remembered and I got the pic sorted eventually!!!

Ohhh and because it was outside and the sun was shining ... I got a nice tan too!

School report day & Proud Mama!

BOTH my fantastic kids got great school reports today! I knew Megan had done well this year, but it was so good to see it in print. Her teacher's quote was that Megan had "worked her socks off!" I'm so proud of that girl! She has never been strong at maths but she is *improving* and as far as I am concerned she's doing just brilliantly!

Nathan's report really surprised the crap out of me!! His teacher commented on how his concentration and focus have really improved over the year ... and last year's report was full of "variable" for his effort - intersperted with the very odd "good!" This year it was ALL good with a VERY good in there for design technology! I nearly cried as I was reading it! He's done so well.

They have BOTH done so well. It makes me really proud!!!

Anyway, it's nearly 10pm on Tuesday evening ... I have JUST finished all of the re-labelling of the stock ready for market tomorrow. It had BETTER be a good day ... if it isn't then I don't even want to think about where I will be. I need to make money this week!

I haven't done even half the things I wanted to achieve this evening ... and I still need to shower - the thought of a 5am shower is NOT a good one!

I did get pics of the new labels ... but again it will have to wait ... I could waffle on here all night but it won't get my work done or me showered! LOL

REALLY pissed off

Have a huge major vent to make about my landlord at work, but for now I'm knackered and need some sleep after a long day. I do have new piccies of the new labels but it will have to wait until tomorrow!!!

I am so pissed off.............

Okay good stuff first then I'll get to my moan of the day!!

I have new labels! OMG they look sooooo fantastic! I should have taken my camera in to work with me today, but I forgot ... my bad - I'll take pics tomorrow! I had created a new design for the labels based on the new logo. I showed L ... who suggested I tweak it slightly by changing one little thing and all of a sudden they look properly "branded" rather than generic and "samey"

It's funny --- whenever I have new packaging, all of a sudden I love doing the "monkey work" .... hehehe I'm sure the novelty will wear off!

Okay so the moan.

I am so utterly pissed off at home right now. I'm working my proverbial backside off daily and I feel that I get very little support for it from hub. He claims to be supportive and will stand there and argue the toss with me about how he is being supportive ... but he isn't! His salary puts a roof over my head and food on the table ... but it doesn't mean that what I do isn't important!

I don't have the luxury of being able to leave early in the morning and finish at 5pm. I have to fit my working hours into the time that the children are at school, then I go back evenings and weekends if I have to. I am working my backside off to try to build the business back up. I've invested hours and hours of my time to build it into something for the future - for my future and for the kids.

Hub has been complaining about HIS LACK OF WEEKENDS!!! It makes me so angry. He expects it to be absolutely fine for me to just not go into work for an entire weekend and either have to fit more into less hours or fall behind with orders ... just so that HE can go and do HIS stuff.

How is that supportive???

The latest one??? AFTER we had already had an argument about how unimportant my work is and how he doesn't get time at weekends ... he told me he wanted to go out on Saturday 26th - some bike or canoe thing - I didn't really pay much attention to the "what" because I couldn't believe it - not only did he blatantly not listen to me earlier in the day about how I need the weekends ... the 26th is the weekend after his daughter's birthday ... the weekend I have got 3 of her friends coming over to all go to the cinema and then pizza and a sleepover! Yeah okay hub, what do I do with Nathan while you are off doing whatever it is you want to do while I am with our daughter and her friends?!?!!

Is that selfish of me? Am *I* being the selfish one? Should I just cause myself MORE stress and MORE worry by having to work harder and faster during the day while the children are at school just so that he can have a weekend to do whatever he wants to do??

On the upside I wore new shoes today - so at least the bad parts of the day had a bit of sparkle to them.

Mama got new shoes today!! Piccies too! I love being a girl!

I went on a "birthday shopping spree" with my mum today :-) It's become a bit of a tradition that instead of buying me a gift (although she does get me something to unwrap on the day too!) we go out together shopping and she treats me with some cash to splurge.

I had £50 to spend and I did soooo well!! I love wearing the strappy vest tops as they go with pretty much anything - they can be casual or dressed up ... found a pack of 3 for £8 - bargain so I got a blue & turquoise set and a pink & purple set too, so that's 6 tops for £16! I also got a turquoise coloured wrap cardigan for £6 and these purrrrrty silver flip flops that were THREE POUNDS in the sale! LOL

I still had some cash left when we met up with my sister and her hub for lunch out in town and they brought my birthday pressie with them... I'd mentioned to Sis about my self imposed shoe buying ban a couple of weeks ago and said if she were stuck for anything to buy for my birthday then sparkly sandals were the way to go!!

Loooooooook what I got from my sis!!!!

HOW gorgeous are these! I mean seriously if she could have got inside my head and pulled out a picture of exactly what I wanted then these would have been right up there! PINK and SPARKLY and COMFY!! Ohh I love them!!

I still had some cash left and went into Brantano on the way home and found these ....

They were a teeny bit over budget ... they were £32 and NOT sale ... and I only had £25 left from mum, but by the time I'd seen them - before I had even tried them on I KNEW they were mine! I even tried on others first ... slightly cheaper and in budget shoes ... that were pretty and that I liked ... just not as much as these!! I fell in love with them as soon as I saw them! HAD to have them!! They go beautifully with the new turquoise top I bought (that I'd changed into!) and of course I had to wear my new shoes out of the shop! LOL I had so many compliments from the other customers about how great they looked!

God I love being a girl!!!

Soooo all the effort I've been putting in at work has been worth it ... I finally got paid in shoes today :-)

Friday Five - 11th July

This week's Friday Five are about dreams!!! Let's have a bash at this ...

What are some recurring dreams you’ve had? Recently I've been waking up and feeling that I can't breathe. It's a very real feeling although I can't remember the dream... just the fact I am gasping for breath and have to stick my head out of the window!

What is the significance of dreams in telling you about yourself? I put a LOT of significance into my dreams!! I firmly believe that the subconscious mind has a great deal of insight into what is going on in your real life. I've seen lie detector tests where the person genuinely believe what they are saying as the truth ... but their subconscious mind lets on the real truth. Dreams are important. They help us to figure out what we REALLY want instead of what we think we want!

How do you feel after you’ve had one of THOSE dreams? One of WHAT dreams? Hehehe a sexy one? I feel GRRRRRR and that's the best way to describe it! LOL Cobwebs R Us!

What was the last dream you remember? Last night I dreamed I was being chased because I had parked my car in the wrong place. Chasing dreams generally represent anxiety (no shit sherlock!) because running away is a natural response. I think I dreamed about this because I am trying NOT to run away from things at the moment!

When did you last dream about something that later happened as you dreamt it? You can only recognise so called "prophetic dreams" after they have actually happened, and the only thing I can think of where this has happened has been something I can't discuss on a public post!!

My "unbirthday" birthday!

I can't believe I didn't actually write about this yesterday! I was so "on one" about getting ready for the market, that by the time I'd finished up last night I just headed straight for bed!!

I got some wonderful gifts from my children!!!! Megan made me a cross stitch pattern that she did completely by herself and I absolutely love it. It's way better than anything she could have bought, and it's actually really good!! My mum has been helping her with sewing & stitching, but she did this on her own! Hub took the kids into Boots to buy me something and Nathan picked out hair bunches!! He couldn't have picked anything more perfect! I scratch around in the morning for a bunch when I am straightening my hair and need to separate some of it off. He told me that he knew I needed them and would use them every day and think of him! How adorable was that!!

I got lots of cards and either a facebook message or a text from my friends ... plus Lou bought me a cake at work!! Well happy! LOL

The rest of my birthday was spent working!! I was in the workshop all day then bought packing home to finish up ready for the market! I did manage a good few hours "quality time" with the kids after school though :-)

It wasn't about presents or parties or cake (although cake was good!!!) it was about spending time with my kids and knowing that although money has been tight for so many people ...

... I was given gifts that didn't cost the earth but meant the world.

THAT is what it is about.

More rain in a day today than in a month!

Well that's what the radio said this afternoon anyway!

I was up at 5am and all motivated to go do the market! I got there early, got a pitch, got set up and was absolutely drenched by around 8am! Had it not been for another trader who loaned me a tarpaulin and some clamps to protect at least ONE side of my pitch then I would have been totally screwed! At least I was only cold and wet! LOL

Technically NOT a good day to try out the market! The rain was just ridiculous and when the other traders started packing up by 11am - I knew it was pretty pointless sticking around! I stuck it out for another hour, but gave up at that point!

The people that were out braving the rain just weren't browsing ... they were carrying umbrellas with heads down and walking very quickly - I couldn't blame them for not wanting to stop and have a sniff!

Anyway, it wasn't a total loss - although I am out the pitch cost, but I learned a lot! I already know exactly what I need for my display now - and it shouldn't cost the earth AND I may even be capable of building it myself with some hardboard, wood batons and some nails! Have hammer - can travel! HAH!

After taking the stock back to the workshop and picking up the kids, I pretty much spent the afternoon asleep on the sofa. It'll be hard doing that every week with the early start, but fingers crossed for better weather next week!!

it was "Yell at Dee Day" today ... and the resulting melancholy!!

I got yelled at twice today by two different people - both pretty important people in my life ... and both within a couple of hours of each other!! I am not going to elaborate or go into detail of the who/what/why/when/why and how because both people did apologise for the yelling part (even though I admit there was a reason behind the yelling - i.e. Dee has fucked up again) and it's all dealt with and okay now ... but it really did get me thinking.

I am wondering whether I've been too "up in the clouds" about everything lately. I do have a tendancy to kind of go off on a tangent with things and I KNOW get a little over enthusiastic ... but if I don't put myself out there and actively make changes then nothing is going to happen. I cannot just sit here and wait for things to happen for me because life just doesn't work that way.

It just feels like no matter what I do I am in the wrong at the moment. I seem to go from feeling up to feeling totally crap and that I am the worst person in the world!

Translated - I am a bad mother.

I'm worried about my relationship with my children. Part of me doesn't want to say anything here because I know Megan sometimes reads my blog and a lot of my friends & family read what I write here ... but if being honest on my blog means that the people close to me can get inside my head more ... then that's what this is all about!!

I am working a LOT at the moment. Every spare minute I have is spent working ... I'm either on my laptop working on the website, designing promotions, doing accounts & paperwork ... or I am out of the house at the workshop.

I worry that I don't have enough quality time with them - that I am too focussed on myself & the business right now and that they will end up resenting me for it. They are at such a critical age at the moment - both of them and I want nothing more than for them to both look back on their childhood and say to people that they had a brilliant childhood!!

In short, I worry I am not doing a good enough job as a mother.

Nathan is a funny one ... because of his "problems" ... I honestly think that as long as he is fed, watered and has access to a computer and his nightly "snuggles" with me on the sofa then he'll be just fine. If I want to actually TALK to him, I need to sit with him on the stairs where there are no distractions and then I'll get all of 5 minutes before he loses interest! He is very hard to actually get inside of because of his ADHD/Aspergers ... but at the same time he is very very loving and we have a wonderful relationship. I can say without question that Nathan hugs are THE best in the world!

It's Megan I worry about. She is nearly ten and those double figures are a scary birthday number for a mother - well, for me anyway! She is so grown up and at the age now where she is really developing as a young lady as well as an individual with her own distinct tastes, likes & dislikes. I'm worried that I work too much and don't spend enough quality time with her. I want her to look back on her childhood and truly know that her Mum was there for her no matter what. I worry that I don't get to spend enough time with her and that there is just "too much to do" with the accounts, working on the website etc when I am at home ... that's when I'm not trying to clean up and stay on top of the housework! The rest of the time she's at school or I'm at work!

I just want my kids to know that the whole reason why I am doing this is for them. I need them to know that I work hard to try to give them a better future and to make up for the mistakes I made in the past. I still make mistakes every single day, but I realised not too long ago that I'm not superwoman and that it is okay not to be able to do everything. Gawd knows I still have a hell of a lot to put them through yet, but I'll take it one day at a time.

Even though I am very much aware of mistakes I've made in the past and I work so hard to try to fix them, I still screw up! I'm not perfect. Far from it. Today for example ... being yelled at twice by two different people for two different reasons. It really brought me down.

Anyway ... I think I need a bath and an early night. It's Monday tomorrow - a new day and a new week.

Hangover is not the word!!!!

Yesterday was great fun!! I went over to Lou's straight after work to take photos of her daughter (R, who is 16) before she went off to her prom! Ohh she looked beautiful - well, all of the girls did ... and it scared me looking at how grown up they all looked because it forced me to think about how that will be me sending Megan off to her prom one day!

Anyway, after we'd seen Ria off, we went for a few drinks in Brighton, then found a nice place to have a meal, then back to Lou's where we indulged in several bottles of wine and put the world to rights before finally dragging ourselves to bed at 4.30am!!

Oooops .... needless to say I woke up feeling decidedly squiffy this morning but as it was self inflicted I couldn't give myself any sympathy so I hauled arse into work to do some packing!

I am definitely DEFINITELY aiming to do the market next week. I've finally found somewhere that I can get the perfect size tables from too! I'd been in a bit of a flap because I'd found tables half the size I wanted from Argos and figured I'd just get two of them ... but UGH they were out of stock, and the closest other stores didn't have them either! If I don't have tables, I don't have a stall! Anyway, a flash of inspiration this evening and I've found them at B&Q plus checked stock and they have them...

Happy bunny!

So anyway, an early night tonight sans alcohol fresh for tomorrow - a full day at work to get as much as possible done!!

Feeling VERY unbirthday!!

It's my birthday on Tuesday next week and I'm feeling the most "unbirthday" that I think I have ever felt! I'm going to be 33 and it's already such a non event! I spoke to my sister on the phone this evening and she asked if it was okay that we didn't do anything the weekend after my birthday as they've made some plans... and my uncle is very *very* ill so my mum is going to be away this weekend, possibly next weekend and chances are she'll be away over my actual birthday anyway!

I'm almost glad in a way that my family are going to be busy! It gives me an excuse not to celebrate it! That sounds weird, and it's not like I want to avoid my birthday in an attempt to avoid getting older - my age doesn't bother me or anything like that ... I just don't feel like I really have anything to celebrate this year!

When I was asked what I wanted for my birthday this year ... ya know I couldn't actually think of anything? Well okay that's not technically true ... I want display tables, a table cloth, a printed vinyl sign and things to set up for the market, plus a list of fragrance oils longer than my two arms put together!!! *sigh* they all refused telling me birthdays are for stuff for ME!

So what DO I want? I can't believe I am saying this but there isn't actually anything I've seen that has cried out "BUY ME!" recently! It's possibly because I'm on such a self imposed spending ban that I don't allow myself to even window shop at the moment! I'm really low on my favourite Jean Paul Gaultier perfume and I need some new comfy flat sandals for the summer (sparkly of course tho in true Dee style!) ... and that's IT!! I'll be working on my birthday anyway ... so it really doesn't matter! LOL

Sad isn't it! There is a whole world of shopping out there at my fingertips and all I can think of for my birthday is perfume and shoes!!

Houston I got my period!!!!

Well I thought it was worth announcing to the world in general! Almost ironic how I complain loudly about the lack of it and then it arrives!!

I didn't get to write yesterday evening ... I was absolutely knackered!! It was a good day, but just not for financial reasons!! The East Preston market was crap, but to be honest I didn't really think that it would be anything more than that ... it's East Preston on a Wednesday morning FFS! LOL it didn't matter either because Tuesday was such a superb day and I was floating on cloud nine because of the result I'd had the day before!

Anyway, today has been a fairly good ... to brilliant ... to not so good ... to okay again kind of day!!

Clear as mud? It all started off really well - I got into work and sighed at the state of the stock room - it was such a pig sty in there and really needed sorting out. Terri was in and I knew she was just the girl I needed to get me organised!!! I completely re-organised the stock room so I can clearly see exactly what I have and what I need to make up for stock. It looks awesome in there now!! So that was the brilliant start ...

The not so good part was an email from my landlord at work demanding money ... but I am disputing part of the bill (charges for services I haven't used) and they haven't exactly been forthcoming with resolving the issues I had. I had a couple of hours this afternoon when I was getting all depressed because just as it all starts to run well again and I am making such headway into resolving my business problems ... I'm faced with yet another kick!!

So anyway, I spoke to my solicitor again today to double check where I stood on some other questions I had and with his help, I've decided on a plan of action ... again I can't go into detail in a public post - well, not at this stage anyway, but when your solicitor turns around to you and says "you are being conned" then you know you are fighting a battle for good reason!!

... therefore the day turned into an okay again kind of one!

I am REALLY REALLY looking forward to tomorrow! I'm going over to Lou's in the evening to take some pics of her daughter getting ready for her prom and then all dressed up in her finery! I can't wait to play with my camera, and her daughter is stunning so I already know the shots will turn out great!! If Lou gives me permission (and of course her daughter's consent too!), I'll post a couple of the shots here!

It's also been way toooooooo long since Lou and I had a proper girlie chat that wasn't squeezed into the 5 minutes we get when she pops in at work! I am so looking forward to it! A chance to relax and chat with my girlfriend and not have to worry about time or clock watching as I'm staying overnight. We'll have the world put to rights by Saturday morning! LOL

It just gets better! (And quick moan about my period!)

What a fanfuckingtastic day!!

In chronological order of happening! ...

1. My appointment with my solicitor went very well. I definitely have a case and that is what I wanted to hear - somebody with a legal background who can turn around and say HEY you can't charge somebody for something that they haven't received. It was a very positive appointment.

2. When I got back to the workshop, I got a call from the manager of a weekly market in town nearby that gets a LOT of passing traffic. It's on a weekday but it is very popular and it's a slot I desperately want! He called to say that there is space for me as a casual trader when I want it. It basically means that I need to turn up there at 7am in the morning and hope for a pitch with no guarantee of getting one, so sometimes I'll end up coming straight back home again ... but, once I've been as a casual for a few weeks, I will be able to sign on as a regular. This is massive! It will be like having a shopfront without having a shop! I need to do a fair bit of work before I can think about it - stock building and organising a decent display table (oh and getting the tables as I have to provide all of that) but it's a very positive move forward!

3. I got all of the stock packed up for the market in East Preston tomorrow morning. I don't feel like I have enough stock - but I *always* feel that and I *always* come home with plenty ... so I'm happy about what I've got! Plus, the new shrink wrap packaging looks amazing

4. A cheque arrived for £192 and it was paid into the business account within two hours of opening the envelope! It's all about cash flow right now and as long as the cash is a flowin' I am a happy chick!

5. Orders are coming through the website again! It slowed up last week - but I put a lot of that down to it being the end of the month and Glastonbury being on as well could have had a LOT to do with it!!

6. Had a really nice chat on the phone with my mum this afternoon! We caught up on gossip and I told her about the weekly market ... she has offered to have the children after school until their dad gets back from work - as long as it will fit in with her work hours!

I'm afraid to say it too loudly (touch wood) but ... it all seems to be going okay right now! I know I have a LONG way to go and I'm still sinking right now, but I'm closer to "the light at the end of the tunnel" than I have ever been and it feels GOOD! I have to thank L for most of it, errr umm some of it hell okay - all of it! The eternal butt kicking and the way I now question everything ... it's all down to L!! God, if L hadn't come into my life at the right point, then I dread to think where I would be!!

WARNING PERIOD TALK!!!
Okay time for the period talk! I didn't have a period at all for a few months after Christmas, then a mega nasty heavy one - then two came 2 weeks apart! I worked out it's been around 5-6 weeks since my last one and it's worrying because my body seems to be so screwed at the moment. Trust me when I say there is absolutely ZERO chance I could be pregnant - bwahahaa (cobwebs is not the word!) it's just that it feels so "unfemale" not to get my period every month!

So anyway, lack of period aside, the upshot is that it's been a really really REALLY good day :-)

All missions achieved!

God I love it when I can get to the end of a day and think yeah - I achieved all of my missions today! I have made a lot of stock votives & packaged most of them ready for East Preston on Wednesday ... and all of the orders that came in over the weekend have been poured / packed & boxed!

It's all good!!

I have an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow to get legal advice on a "business" issue that I have. I don't want to go into too much detail in a public post, except to say I am being charged quite a large amount of money for a service that I have not received. There has been some back and forth discussion between myself and the other party via email, but before I reply - I need legal advice. This is an amount of over £500 that I am being charged per quarter ... and if it isn't illegal to charge someone for this, then it should be! I spoke to a solicitor over the phone today and it's a free initial consultation ... so I'll get the advice I need ... reply to their email and if I don't get the response I expect (ie they will deduct the amount I am disputing) then the solicitor will send a letter and war will begin!!

Anyway that's about all I can say in public on the subject!

My priorities right now??

** Sort out this £500 bill - either through my own battle or a legal one!
** Keep working on the accounts (getting through it a bit every day)
** Make a butt load of money!

Simple eh!

Ohh I did LOADS today!

Today has been a really good day! I was in the workshop this morning and got a ton of stock votives poured ready for the East Preston market on Wednesday. I made myself a list of the scents I wanted to take with me and got them ALL poured!

I spent the afternoon when I got back chilling in the garden with the kids - it was really nice and it was great to spend time with them. I forget sometimes what great little people they are!!

Megan is growing up TOOOOOO fast these days - it scares me! One of her classmates has already started her periods, and knowing that my daughter and her friends are that developed ... woah it's scary stuff for a mother!

And Mr Nathan ... well it was a surprise to see him actually EATING ... let alone eating a chicken wing - AND thoroughly enjoying it too!!

Yeah ... a good weekend!!!

Today was mum's 2nd birthday celebration ... she's obviously getting a bit like the Queen in her old age and now has to celebrate her birthday twice!! We had a lovely evening at my sister's house ... nice food and a cake Sis made by herself!!!

And it was good to see a real smile on Mum's face too!!

We went for a walk along the beach in Littlehampton where Sis lives and it's the first time I've ever been down there. I was quite surprised at how NICE the beach was! It's very much an "unspoiled" area of beach with sand dunes and real sand! Certainly worked up an appetite for CAKE anyway!!

The kids had a great time - it was good to actually get them off their backsides and out into the fresh air!

Keeping fingers firmly crossed!!

Well ....... it hasn't exactly been a fabulous week for sales totals, but I'm safe in the knowledge that last week was REALLY good, so as long as next week works out okay then we'll be just fine :-)

Talking of next week, it's my first time at the East Preston monthly market on Wednesday next week and I am really looking forward to it. This will be a regular slot the first Wednesday of every month and it's already an established market so I'll be able to build up a regular clientele. I still want something at least weekly to guarantee me sales if the website is slow ... but we're working on that (the Royal "we" that is LOL)

Meanwhile tonight I've had a night off from number crunching and I've been working on designing a poster to promote candle parties to put up in shop windows around the local area. I'm really pleased with how it turned out ... it's looking gooooooood!! I'll get a few printed off tomorrow and then drop some off in town over the weekend. I hate not being mega busy with orders! I never really truly know what to do with myself!

Next Friday night will be fun though ... I'm going over to Lou's as it is her daughter's prom night and I'll be taking photos of her daughter getting ready and the all dressed up on the night. I can't WAIT! I'm soooo looking forward to it because a) I haven't done anything "fun" with my camera since my 25 smiles project ... and b) it's been aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages since Lou & I did anything and we'll have a damned good night chatting and putting the world to rights!

Soooooooooo anyway I've drunk a lil too much and am in danger of waffling on about things that really shouldn't be said in public, so it's time to say goodnight! LOL

Friday Five - 27th June 2008

Blimey ... I'm sat here on a Friday evening and actually have enough time to write my Friday Five this week!!

1. What was the last thing you purchased from a vending machine? OMG you know it's been THAT long since I bought anything from a vending machine, I probably couldn't even tell you! It's more likely to be when was the last time I gave my children money to get something!

2. What was the last thing you made copies of on a photocopier? Oooh I know the answer to this one! LOL It was last week and it was my passport to send a copy to Netbanx for my merchant account switchover!

3. When did you last use a pay telephone? Eeeeek goodness ... I have NO idea ... it's been years!!

4. How often do you visit an automatic teller machine? As in bank? Very rarely. I use online banking and log into that around once a week.

5. Which of your daily tasks would you most like to see automated? Ooooh good question. It would definitely be the mornings between 7.30-8.40am ... that hellish hour where I have to get me and the kids ready to leave the house by 8.41am!!

Thursday Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Grrrrrrrrrrrr is the best way to describe today! Part of me can't believe it is Thursday already. This week has gone SO quickly!!

I went "dog shopping" with Mum this morning. We drove to Ford near Arundel for a small local dog rescue place to meet "Amber". Amber is a 2.5 year old whippet that Mum met a couple of days ago and fell in love with! We went over there today with Molly (my dog) to see how they would get on but unfortunately the school called and I had to cut it short just as we'd started a walk, and go to sort out Nathan. Let's just say he'd had an "accident" of the toilet kind and I wasn't impressed!!

I KNOW it is part of his ADHD/Aspergers diagnosis, but still ... he's eight years old now and MORE than old enough to be able to take himself to the toilet, but unfortunately, I still find myself cleaning up his shit in more ways than one! He was very apologetic this evening and promised me that it wouldn't happen again, but it's all words I've heard before and don't really believe any more.

So anyway ... yeah a Grrrrrr day! I accomplished the sum total of naff all really yet was constantly on the go!

This evening I've tweaked the website a little, updated the testimonials from recent customer emails and worked on some number crunching.

My my what an exciting life I lead!!!

Dreams & a lack of periods (not related!!)

I spent the best part of the morning number crunching on the accounts, then I went into work for a bit to send out some orders and then spent the afternoon with L talking about dreams for the future for the business and L's dreams of moving abroad in the future! Afternoons like that are the best ever ... just chatting & chilling out with a really good friend and feeling positive & happy!

I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many dreams and ideas .... so many things that I want to achieve for myself with the business, and L is terrific for brain storming! It was one of the few times I was sat there without my laptop and L just kept churning out idea after idea! I had to actually *shock horror* write the ideas down by hand! It was terrific!!

I like afternoons like that!!

Soooooo anyway, mega swift subject change ... I have no fucking idea what is going on with my periods at the moment! I had two very close together a while back, and then there has been nothing for ages. I decided to stay off the pill because err, well there isn't much need to be taking it at the moment *ahem - moving swiftly on* ... so anyway I stopped taking it in the hope that it would help to sort things out ... but it's been nada, nothing & zilch for weeks now.

I have had a really REALLY bad backache for days now ... I'd put it down to the way I have been hunched over my laptop number crunching - but it is actually really really hurting. I'm wondering now whether it's a sign of a killer period incoming!

An insignificant Tuesday!

It's always a good place to be in when a day is relatively unventful!

All of the orders are either out or on their way out today and it's a really good position to be in. Although it really did screw me up having the website down for those two weeks, and I potentially lost a phenomenal amount of business ... it has kind of been a round about benefit too because it gave me the opportunity to really get things caught up and completely up to date, and as a result, as orders have been coming in - they've been turned around and sent out within a couple of days. There is nothing in the workshop over 24 hours old now and that's great!

*** Happy Dee ***

A great weekend ....

I've worked a LOT but it's actually been a nice relaxing weekend ... ie I've not been at a show! I've been in the workshop both days and it's almost good in a way that the site went offline for a while because it meant I was able to completely catch up on EVERYTHING without anything new coming in. It's also meant that as the new orders have come in this week since the site has been back online ... well I've been getting them poured and dispatched within 48 hours which is terrific as far as me AND my customers are concerned!!

It's a huge relief ... things seem to be going okay and I almost didn't want to say that out loud incase it jinxes it somehow! (touching very large bit of wood!) I'm back to 8th/9th in Google for my keyword searches at the moment instead of the 4th place I found myself last night, but it is still all good and I'm not that worried. I've done a lot of "tweaking" over the last couple of days on the website and hopefully won't be too long until the search engines pick up my changes!

Soooo currently tomorrow I will be packing up the orders that came in over the weekend (cus baby they are ALL done!) and then if nothing new is in overnight ... I have a "to do" list the size of ... well it's pretty big! LOL

Yeah baby!!!

Well the hard work I have been putting in has paid off! The website is finally back in the top half of google! I could always rely on coming up at least 3rd for my key word search terms, and when the site disappeared off of google completely after the web host nightmare ... well .... let's just say I was panicking!!

Yesterday evening I found I was back on the first page, but when I checked this evening (after more work put in!) and found I was 4th in google ... well happy dance wasn't the word! I've worked my proverbial backside off to get the site back up there and I am soooo relieved it's been worth it!!

I am literally physically exhausted though! I spend every waking minute either number crunching, buried in the website, designing the new catalogue or working in some form or other and the lack of sleep has taken it's toll on me! On the upside, so many people have noticed how positive I have been lately and that's been great.

I still owe most of it to L! Without L around to kick my proverbial backside, well I dread to think where I would be!

Anyway, it's late - I'm knackered and still have the summer 08 catalogue to finish before bed!

OMG I'm a bad person ... I'm SORRY!!!!!

But OMG what a week!!!!

Seriously I've had the most amazing week and I've worked my ass off ... which is the ONLY reason I haven't blogged for 4 days ... oooooops!!! Jeeeez, I actually can't remember the last time I left it that long before blogging!

But look .... this is what I have been doing!!! LOL

I am sooooooooooooooooooo pleased with it! Check it out in all it's pinkness at http://www.deelights.co.uk

It's been a weird week!! L has helped me enormously with some proverbial butt kicking which has really motivated me into getting things done!

I've been drinking a lil bit this evening (yeah Dee had a night off!) so I can't promise how much I'll actually get written ... but I will try!!

L helped me to work out exactly how much I need to make per week to cover the overheads that the business has and that has been a really good figure to work out. Can you believe I actually didn't know that number before?? It's crazy. The best thing is that based on the highest outgoing figure (which doesn't take into account the savings I am working on making at the moment) ... I have covered what we need to make this week - plus I am up on next week.

Considering that until TODAY the website wasn't listed in google for my key search term "scented candles" ... that's been phenomenal!!

You should have seen me earlier when I did a google search and found myself on the first page of google! YEAH baby!! I've spent the last few nights tweaking the website and working on optimising it for the search engines and it is such a relief that it has paid off! I literally ... LITERALLY did a happy dance around my front room to such an extent that my 8 year old son told me off for swearing!!!!!!!

Ooooops!

Wellllllll it was a huge thing!! After the site being offline for 2 weeks, then not being listed in google as the spiders had been out ... and obviously my hard work over the last few days has really paid off!

*still doing the happy candlemaker dance*

Seriously ... the happy candlemaker dance is something to be seen - it really is! Maybe one day I'll get someone to video me doing it! LOL

So anyway ... tonight I've been feeling really positive and it's been GREAT! I'm exhausted - completely and utterly, but I'm happy and loving the fact that it's Friday night and I don't need to get up early!!

I was asked an interesting question by a candlemaking friend in Ireland on MSN tonight. He is a hobbyist and at the point where he is almost ready to start as a business. It was an interesting chat because he's a fellow candlemaker, yet he's not technically competition as he makes carved candles PLUS he's in Ireland!

Anyway ... he asked me what it would really take to make me happy (this is after 3 hours of MSN chatting!) and it really caused me to stop and think.

What do I want/need to make me happy?

I want to be "comfortable". That's all! Yeah it would be great to be rich but lets face it, that is a pipe dream for most of us!! Comfortable to me means knowing that all of the bills are paid and that if I happen to see a pair of shoes tha I "must have" ... that I can buy them and not worry about whether I can afford them! Call me superficial & shallow because I want to live in a nice house and have nice things around me - the pinker & sparklier the better!! Does that make me a bad person? I don't exactly want to live in a Swarovski encrusted world, but a lil more glitter & sparkle never hurt!!

I want my kids to grow up knowing they are loved and for them to feel secure & happy. I want them to grow into confident adults ready to take on the world no matter what challenges are thrown at them. I want to be their mother and their friend at the same time and to never lose touch with who they are as individuals.

Good friends. This is vital. I need my close friends - they are the ones that keep me sane through the dark times!

I want my business to succeed and to finally turn a profit enough for me to draw a serious wage and be able to achieve all of my other dreams without bleeding the business account dry and stabbing my own self in the foot!

I want to come home at the end of a long and hard day & snuggle up in the arms of a man who loves me more than anything, thinks I am a complete and utter goddess and who will succumb to my every whim!

Is that really too much to ask for??

Trust me there's a lot more I would love to add to that wish list .... but that's what it will take before I am truly happy.

The website is back!!!!

FINALLY!!!! I phoned the new host first thing this morning and within minutes, the site was up! It will take a while before the search engines pick it up again, but meanwhile I plan on doing letterbox drops, direct marketing and really pulling out as many of the stops as I possibly can!

I'm really pleased with how it turned out! L helped me make some tweaky changes to it earlier and the logo / branding has come out brilliantly.

I've also already had an order from the site - from a regular customer, so at least that's some pennies today with the first day being back online!!

Gawd I am sooooooooooooo utterly knackered! I really am. I didn't post last night after getting back from the show because a) it was another crappy day and I just about covered costs, and b) I was physically and mentally exhausted!!!

I still have so much work to do before I can think about sleep tonight though!!

www.deelights.co.uk - any comments on the site design welcome!

The worst craft show on record!!!

I was up mega early this morning to make sure that I was in Climping (Nr Littlehampton) for 9am ready to unload my stock and set up for the 2 day show. One thing that's always nice about shows & events is when you find yourself with nice neighbours on the next stalls ... and well, had it not been for conversation with the other stallholders I would have been even MORE bored than I already was!

It actually seriously was my worst show on record - EVER! I made just about enough to *barely* cover the cost of the table for the day - and that doesn't count the cups of coffee I bought, petrol, my time ... my TIME! I spent 8 hours there today and there was barely anybody through the doors. It was so soul destroying!! The problem on days when it's like that at shows - is that by the time it gets to half way through the day and you still haven't made any serious sales ... is that you really can't be "bothered" then to really put in the sales pitch when people do approach your table! You figure that they aren't going to buy anyway so you may as well save your back and sit down!!

*sigh*

Well anyway I went into the workshop this evening and I'm taking some different stock with me tomorrow. We'll see how that goes! In the meantime I am SHATTERED! The website STILL isn't online so I'll have to phone the new host on Monday morning as their tech support isn't open on weekends GRRRR ... still, by the time it DOES get online it will be ready - I'll make damned sure of that!! I worked late through the night last night on it ... I'll give it a bit longer this evening on it before I hit the sack, then as soon as I am home from the show on Sunday I'll be cracking on with it again!

Ohh and once that's done it's back to number crunching!

It's never ending ... but I'm happy! Ok a little depressed about the crappy day today, but I actually do feel focused and positive - and THAT is what it is all about!

The best Friday the 13th EVER!!!!

OMG it turned out to be such a wicked day in the end!! I had a meeting with my bank manager this morning and it went very well. The whole purpose of the meeting was an annual business review, but we talked about my cash flow problems and ways to resolve them ... and she waived my bank charges for this month and also increased my overdraft for a month to cover all of the direct debits due to go out. This means that during the period that the website has been down and I have zero coming in from WorldPay (which is paid to me 28 days after processing) ... I don't have to worry about the bank outgoings. That's a huge relief.

She offered me a business credit card - and I said no! I was proud of myself!! I was sitting there thinking hmmm it would be a nice easy way out RIGHT NOW - I could order a load of fragrances and a butt load of wax, but it wouldn't help in a months time when the payment was due in full!! Sooo instead I'll be getting a debit card which will help enormously and save me having to give my mum cash and borrow her card!!

THEN .... completely out of the blue this afternoon ... my wonderful friend L lent me the money to get the website back online AND pay the set up fee for NetBanx so that the cash flow issue won't BE an issue as NetBanx clear the funds to my account within 7 days instead of 28! NetBanx will take a couple of weeks to set up, but it means that when I hit the period where I have naff all coming in from WorldPay ... it will only be a week until the NetBanx payments come in and I can suffer through a week!!

It's just been such an amazing day, and to think, this morning I was ready to vent! Sitting here right now I can't even remember what I was going to vent about! Hehehee Ahhh it's just nice to have a smile on my face and feel positive! Where would I be without my close friends!

Part of what has been so amazing is L's complete and utter belief in me. It means a lot to know that there is someone outside of my immediate family who cares enough about me and believes enough in me, my products and my potential to achieve more in the future ... to hand over a wad of cash to help me out!! That shows a lot of trust and it means a lot.

Friday Five - 13th June 2008

Oooerrr Friday 13th. I have a whole pile of whining and venting to do, but I'll save that for a separate post! Gonna cheer myself up with the Friday Five for this week - it's all about "Who?"

Who gave you your last balloon, and what was the occasion? I haven't been given a balloon for YEARS!! The last balloon I gave was on my dad's birthday in September last year. He died in 2003 and we always send helium balloons up for him at sunset.

Who gave you your last scolding, and what was it for? Errr probably a couple of days ago from a friend reminding me how crap I am that I don't know all of my numbers yet for the business!!!

Who gave you your last attaboy, and why? Me! I did when I got through the end of the figures for the the financial year that I have been putting into Excel spreadsheets!!! I deserved it too!

Who gave you your last haircut? I don't know her name, but it was errr around February and it was at Jagos in town.

Who gave you your last massage? I had a professional massage in January 2007 and it was WONDERFUL!! I should really go get another one ... 18 months ago is not good!

Holy Crapoly it's Thursday already?

Ya know ... on Tuesday afternoon I was thinking about how slowly the week was going by - then I realise this morning that somehow the week has caught up with me and it's Thursday already!!

The last couple of days have flown by - hence why I forgot to blog because the days somehow squished themselves into one recently! The basic rundown is that the website is STILL offline but the re-vamped version ready to launch when the site is back up ... is looking better than ever. I've also been cracking on with my number crunching into Excel ... and I'm getting there - slowly but surely.

I've found quite a few leaks in the business recently thanks to L's help. We've been trying to identify where I am hemorrhaging money from, and found quite a few ... the problem is that I need better cash flow to plug up the gaps ... but one of my problems IS cash flow and the fact that WorldPay take 4 weeks to pay me my customer credit card payments into my bank! I need to get that to weekly ... but I can't do that until I have the cash flow to get the site back online and the set up fee for the new payment processor GRRRRRR because meanwhile I am stuck in cash flow hell with no website!!

Can't get an egg without a chicken .... and the only way to get a chicken is from an egg! Sucks sometimes eh!

At any rate - I'm in a focussed and positive mood. I have a lil event this evening locally in Ashington, then 2 days Saturday & Sunday in Clymping so we're getting there!

Lovin' Monday!

Wow, what a fab day I've had! I was up early to go to the gym as hub was working from home, so to start the day off with a boost was a good start!

The website is now back in my name and registered with my new host - I need to come up with the funds for the hosting to get it officially back online ... but it's all going according to plan so far!

I did some number crunching today with L and worked out that I can save around £4,500 a year purely by buying my wax in larger quantities, changing payment processors and questioning some of my maintenance bills. That's crazy. Scary crazy!!!

Also ... finally the website re-design is coming together. I'm really happy with how it's working out and it'll mean that by the time the site is back online, there will be a whole terrific new look for it!!!

Yeah we love weekends like this!

We being "me" anyway! Yesterday was a really good day, then today I got as much as I'd wanted to achieve accomplished at work, then extra bits too! It's always good when that happens!! I've also been doing a lot of brainstorming about the future of the business and where I want to go with it... and dreaming up concepts and designs.

It's good to be all floaty every now and again, but from tomorrow it's back to proper number crunching and serious figure working. I need to get this part finished before I can even think about going any further!

The website re-design isn't going too well. I looked at it today - realised it was completely shite and have started a fresh version! I'm too much of a perfectionist!!

Well, anyway, it's 10.40pm and this perfectionist is heading to bed ... an early night for once!

Grinning like only Dee can grin :-p

Ohhh what a GREAT day! LOL I just love it when I can start a post like that!

I'm still very much bobbing to keep my head above water (and the website is going to be down till the middle of next week) ... BUT it's all looking up and that is (partly!) why I have a grin on my face this evening! I also had a cash sale today, so that added to what I took last night will get paid into the bank on Monday. I've got a booking Thursday night in a pub in Ashington for a ladies night, and then next weekend is a 2 days event near Arundel.

So aaanyway yes it was an utterly delicious afternoon! The sun was shining, I got LOADS done at work ... and even managed a fair few unexpected things too *wicked grin*

This evening I HAVE to get to grips and make a final decision on the layout for the redesigned website, so that once we are finally back online - it's all ready to go!! The utterly worst thing would be to have the site fixed ... but no content to upload because I'm certainly not going to put the old site back up when I'm so close on a new version! LOL

Aaaaanyway the longer I sit here procrastinating about it - the less time I have to do it! LOL

Thank Crunchie it's Friday!!

Whew what a week!

It has all ended on a fairly good note though! Let me start from the beginning! Yesterday I spoke to a woman who was organising a school PTA Ladies pamper evening in Rottingdean ... tonight! It was short notice but I didn't have any plans so I said I'd love to go.

Soooo today I spent the day packaging stock for this lil event. I decided to make a conscious effort to try and shake things up a bit for shows!! I usually take about 30 baskets full of of votives, and the baskets are great for shows as it gives people lots of chances to sniff a wide variety of different things ... but it hasn't been bringing in the sales.

This is what I took tonight instead ....


I took stacks of 3 votives in different scent groups (fruit, floral, spice, food, perfume etc) and as many hurricanes as I had in stock plus my flip flop floating candles. I took as much in 2.5 hours this evening as I did ALL day at my last one!! Crazy!

My friend L gave me a huge tip today that possibly saved my ass tonight. It was duly commented that the packaging looks terrific on the votives, but the scent just wasn't gonna get through 2 layers of cellophane packaging!! It worked a treat!! At the last minute I grabbed a handful of "sniffy" votives in the same scents as the ones I had packaged up ... and OMG it worked a treat!! I invited people to come up and sniff the samples and let me know which ones they liked so that I could point them in the right direction!!

The flip flop floaters went down a treat ....

But then, they are sooo gorgeous that they usually do!!

I feel really positive! I didn't exactly make a million ... but I made more than I did from sitting on my ass tonight *grin*

I have a LONG way to go before my head is above water ... but for the first time I feel positive.

What a week and it's not even Friday yet!!

I cancelled everything for this morning so that I could be in first thing to fax the paperwork to Nominet... R from the other unit said I could borrow his fax and we double checked that it had worked. T also came in for a couple of hours and we sat down and packaged up a batch of wedding favour orders... a monotonous job so it's good to have someone to chat to while you do it!

Anyway, just before leaving work this afternoon I called Nominet to check that they had received the fax okay with all the domain transfer details and they hadn't had the fax! Grrrr!! R was out at the time so I've now got to leave it until tomorrow!

*sigh*

It has absolutely knackered me out as well. This whole week has been totally exhausting - I actually nodded off on the sofa earlier and was late picking Megan up from Brownies! I'm gonna get me a nice early night tonight and SLEEEEEEEEEEEP!!

I can't wait for things to finally settle down so I can chill out and sit here with a grin on my face again!!

Oh FFS it's just one thing after another ....

So this morning my website had been down for five days and I decided it was about time to go nuclear on my hosts. I had got fed up with being fobbed off about how "engineers are working on it." I sat me down with the phone before I went into work and spent around 20 minutes on the phone to tech support. The guy actually seemed fairly helpful (compared to the knobs I'd spoken to before) and he said that I should delete ALL the files from my server and then re-upload them all.

Sounded reasonable ... so I did that. Nothing - nada, zip. Website still offline despite the fact that the brand spankingly newly uploaded files are there on the server! I've had websites for 9 years - I'm not exactly a newbie at this!

So anyway, I call back and (after spending 15 mins on hold for the tech support guy (I use that term VERY losely) to read the notes) I am told that this person will look into it and email me a response. I even checked he had my hotmail email addy so I can check it whether I am at home or work.

Did I get an email? Did I ****!

Soooooooo by this time I've got to work and I'm trying to stay chilled and focused. I call them back AGAIN, am put on hold for notes reading and account checking AGAIN ... and am finally told that they will refresh the server and to check the site in 20 minutes.

30 mins later no website. I give it another half hour - so over an hour after my last call ... and I call back AGAIN. Another forever on hold and I'm told that a supervisor is going to look into it and will call me back. I verify that they have both of my mobile phone numbers!

No call... but what I DID get was an automated email from them thanking me for getting in touch and confirming my account deletion.

By this time I am flapping, checking DNS servers, registrant details and there's nothing ... I still own the domain but my host basically de-tagged me and deleted me (despite the fact that I PAY for this service!) and left me with absolutely no hosting for my website whatsoever .... without my consent!!!

The host in question is madasafish. I didn't choose them - they bought out the company I was originally hosting with. The tech support are useless. I must have phoned eleventy hundred times in the last 5 days and not ONCE have I spoken to someone with an accent I can actually understand. I am not racist - in any way shape or form, I just believe it is bad business to employ people with a very strong foreign accent to work in customer call centres!! I understand the reason for doing it - it creates jobs in countries where work is desperately needed ... and I'm all for people working for a living, but damnit when you need TECHNICAL SUPPORT ... when you are tearing your hear out with a problem that these people are supposed to be able to help you with, then you need to actually understand what they are saying!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

There was a point during the afternoon where I actually broke down in tears and just sat on the floor! It has honestly felt like just one thing after another for so long ... and this was the icing on the cake!!

So anyway ... after pulling myself together combined with a couple of phone calls to Nominet later, and a chat with Easily.co.uk who host all of my other websites ... I am getting the domain transferred to Easily!! It will cost me £10 plus VAT for the transfer fee through Nominet, and then the new domain registration fee from Easily.co.uk (which is fairly minimal) for 2 years hosting.

Soooo tomorrow morning I need to fax this huge ass form I've had to print and fill in back to Nominet ... I've paid Easily online for the domain, so they should be ready to catch the domain as soon as it is released.

Phew! All I then need to do is come up with £100 odd for the hosting cost ... I'll worry about that one tomorrow!!!

Ditzy & Scattered ....

So there's a change eh ...

It's been a weird day. I have had a funny tingling feeling for the last two days. It's almost like a lightheaded "head rush". I felt like this a few weeks ago and it's weird to explain... I can only put it down to anxiety and stress.

I'm so worried about money at the moment. The business HAS to improve and do better and it WILL... I'll make sure of that *sigh* I've just had a shitty day today! It feels like I work my butt off for absolutely nothing in return and it's getting to the point where I really have had enough now. I deserve more from life than this.

I need a harder nose!!

I am sat here watching Hotel Babylon and I SO need to take inspiration from Rebecca the hotel manager! She is a mega hard nosed super bitch who doesn't take crap from anyone. I wouldn't want to be completely like her because she is so VERY driven with very little room in her life for anything else... but as far as running a business goes?

I need a harder nose ... or a backbone - or both!! I need to start playing the game properly instead of pussy footing and half arseing around.

It's been a fairly good work day today. Half term is over now and it's all back to normal with the kids so I can get finally "proper" work done again. I feel totally exhausted and knackered as I've been fairly nonstop during the day, and then the last couple of nights have been late ones working on the website, but I'm pleased to say it's so very nearly ready to go and it looks terrific!

p.s. The actual "live" site (I use that term loosely right now) is STILL offline. I am so totally pissed off about that as I've been on the phone to my hosts several times and I am simply told "engineers are aware and working on it." Btw it wasn't actually me that screwed it up - apparently it's their end - I just happened to be uploading at the time it went tits up!

In the mean time I apparently just have to sit tight and errr wait!

Tick tock goes my biological clock .......

The more I think about it, the crazier it seems.... but for whatever reason, my biological clock is really going crazy at the moment and I find myself thinking about babies a lot! I'm 33 this year and let's face it - I am very unlikely to ever have another baby now.

Maybe it's just fantasising about what I can't have ... because a baby would certainly screw up everything I call life as I know it ... but there is still a really huge part of me that would love to be pregnant again before it's too late for me.

*sigh* this wasn't meant to be melancholy and I am not sure what started me off thinking about this tonight as I'm meant to be working ... but *sigh* there ya go...

Heading towards the wee small hours & still working ...

Okay so I managed to somehow screw up my website last night! I was trying to create a custom 404 page, tried uploading a .htaccess file to the server and it was probably a combination of too much wine and uploading it to the wrong folder ... but whatever I did ... I've managed to take my whole site out! I phoned my tech support but there is nothing they can do until Monday ... not good!!

It's technically Monday morning now, but as far as my body clock goes it's still Sunday night as I haven't gone to bed yet. Last night I ended up being up until around 2.30am and I reckon tonight is heading the same way too! I've been working on a redraft of my website based on some opinions I was given by trusted people ....

• The whole design needs to suggest "lifestyle" more (which is what I've known for a while.) It needs to be fresher and more modern/up to date.
• The photography has also needed updating for a while to show customer that my candles are absolutely essential to the lifestyle that they want to achieve!!
• The photo of my father needs to be removed (he died in 2003) and although he's still a big part of me ... it's not relevant to the business anymore. I need to move on.

So that's kind of what I've been doing... and I am really pleased with the results. It's almost been a blessing that the website has been offline, because by the time the engineers have sorted it on Monday .... I'll hopefully have a brand new site to load!!

Candles, photos and a BBQ at Sis's!

Today started off as a great day ... I got a ton done at work and that always makes me feel good! I pity my poor courier come Monday morning - 42 steps (2nd floor) isn't so bad the first time you do it ... or on the way down ... but the second, third (etc!) time it's a back breaker especially with heavy boxes or sacks of wax!!

It turned into a great evening too as we went over to see my sis and her hub in their new place for a bbq and it was such a nice evening! Good food, a nice atmosphere and a pretty garden! Our mum and her hub's mum had been working hard in their garden planting and repotting - it looked fabulous!!

I'd arranged in advance to take a few photos while I was over there as inspiration for a main shot for my website ... so I took some candles with me. I didn't get exactly the shots I was after, but these are a couple of my best ...

I'm working hard on bringing the website up to scratch ... i.e. really emphasizing the lifestyle factor of what I do, and the best way to do that is through photography. These are just a couple of my best shots that I took at my sister's place this evening.... I wish I'd had more time and more "stuff" with me!!

I have had another brilliant idea though! My sister is a fantastic photographer. She and her hub both are ... and I'm going to ask her if she'll spend some time taking photos of my candles around her house!! Sis has some very "quirky" stuff in her house and really good taste - and they are both very inspired by angular / eccentric / unusual photography of very normal every day things... which is exactly what I am looking for!

It's weird because I'm not even jealous that my sister can do a better job at this than I can - and it almost surprises me that I am NOT jealous! I take really good photographs of things that inspire ME ... and that pretty much comes down to photos of my children! Sis and her hub take amazing photos of "stuff"!!

I think between the two of them, they will come up with some great pics for me! Besides, if I make a list of everything I give them for the photography, I can mark it off as deductible too, so it's worth it tax wise - and she / they will probably get FAR better shots than I ever could anyway!

I really enjoyed spending time with them this evening. They are such a great couple and I'm so glad Sis and I are closer.

Friday Five - 30th May 2008

This week's Friday five is about forgetfulness. Isn't that Dee-ness?

What piece of information do you keep forgetting? Well surely if I knew that I would have no reason to forget it!! Actually it's probably hub's birthdate ... I know it's either the 6th or the 7th ... and the year is either one or another - but I never know for sure! I am usually good at remembering crap like that, but for one reason his birthday is one I regularly can't recall!

What regular event in your life do you keep forgetting? I keep promising myself that I will do the midnight walk in London for Breast Cancer (wearing a sparkly bra) but I never remember until after the sign up has passed! Maybe next year ..

How are you with remembering the names of people you meet? Actually I'm pretty good with names. With what I do for a living, I HAVE to be aware of customer's names because often they will call, saying "hi it's so and so..." and I need to immediately recall who they are and what they have ordered! It's faces I'm not so good at!

What kinds of tricks to you have for remembering to do stuff that falls outside your regular routine? Ahhh I use mnemonics ... a LOT! Mnemonics are like little verbal cues to remind yourself of things ... like how to spell "necessary" - I remember an English lesson when I was about 14 and being taught "never eat cheese, eat salmon sandwiches" and since then, I could always spell necessary! I try to give myself a "something" to associate with what I need to remember.

If you keep a daily planner, what is it like? If you don’t, why not? I have ALWAY kept a diary!! Actually I technically have three diaries! I have my actual calendar diary where I plan my day to day stuff and that looks like this ....

It was originally a boring black diary .. then it got "Dee'd!" In here is everything that I need to remember that I have to do on a particular day! Any appointments the kids have, lists of my parties & events for work etc. I also have my daily blog here on blogger, plus a very VERY private and exceptionally well hidden journal for my most secretest thoughts. C'mon ... you didn't really think I told you everything did you?

Dee took a day off! Wow and mega double wow!!!!

It's a little after midnight so technically Saturday, but heck it's Friday night until I go to bed! LOL

I took the day off today. It was the last day of half term for the children and I knew that even if I went into the workshop and poured my backside off that nothing would be finished to dispatch today ... and being Friday, even if it WAS dispatched today it would just sit in the courier warehouse all weekend! Much better for me to de-stress today and go in all weekend to catch up and dispatch everything Monday for delivery on Tuesday!

I didn't have a complete day off tho (well it IS me!) I helped Nathan clean his room up, did some housework, repotted my tomato plants and worked on the business website redesign.

The current version of the website just isn't working for me. It needs to be slicker and more up to date, so I've been working on designing a basic template for the index page that I can use for the rest of the website. It's looking good so far!

Went into work this evening and saw a friend for a bit - a nice way to finish off the day!

Pause for breath!!

Whew what a busy day! LOL it's been non stop! I was up with the birds (okay 7am) to be at work really early as the fire alarm system was being tested and they needed access to all units ... and as soon as they'd been in and tested my alarms, I locked up and hauled my butt over to the gym! I did a quick workout and then headed back to work!

I got quite a few orders poured today - although I won't be able to dispatch anything until Monday (kids off for one more day tomorrow!!) ... but it means that by the time Monday morning rolls around I should be hopefully up to date on all orders as I plan on being in there all weekend. Whew!!

I've had an evening OFF from the paperwork and number crunching tonight ... by the time I got home from work I was knackered and I knew my head wasn't up to concentrating ... so I've been working on a website redesign instead :-) it's still technically work, but it's fun stuff!!

Tomorrow I still have the kids off school so I'll take them up the park if it's nice ... and then crack on with the numbers! Plan is to have completed the entire year end up to 31st March 2005 by the end of the afternoon tomorrow so I can get started on working through the credit card statements.

Tomorrow evening I am going to have to get into work for a few hours to do prep for the weekend and aside from working my butt off all weekend, that's the sum total of my plans!

Me & my lil sis

I have just spoken to my sis on the phone and decided that it was time to dedicate a blog post to her!

This is us with our mum taken in New York last year (May 07) a few days before Sis's wedding. I'm on the left, Mum in the middle and Sis on the right.

Sis and I have had a weird relationship over the last few years (until recently), and I guess weird is probably the best way to describe it! She and I are VERY unalike as people (despite the physical resemblance!) and I'm not exactly sure when we stopped being close ... but somehow we did. We had a couple of years of really just losing touch with each other as people and our relationship as sisters suffered naturally as a result.

The thing is ... out of almost nowhere really it has ended up all coming so naturally (our relationship I mean), and all uncoincidentally timed with her move back to the area instead of being over an hour away which means that I can see more of her and she's closer literally as well as emotionally!!

She moved just a couple of weeks ago, but I would say for at least the last couple of months we have got on SO well! We are closer than ever before and it has been so natural! Instead of worrying about what we'd talk about on the phone, I call her just for a chat when I've got nothing major going on just to find out what she's been up to over the last few days (because I AM really interested in her life!) ... and she rang me while I was at the show the other day to let me know she'd been out and about and drummed up some interest from a couple of shops that are now interested in stocking my candles!! I was so utterly surprised that she did that for me out of nowhere ... but it wasn't really out of nowhere ... it's just the natural relationship that we have now!!

It's been so terrific to have a new "friend" as well. I'm really not sure what switched our relationship back on again, but it's been terrific. I love it and just know that going forward, Sis and I have a whole new friendship to explore!

I can also finally reveal to the general public that we also have a new "thing" together!! Sis discovered she has a very natural talent for scrapbooking! A few weeks ago, I put aside the entire weekend to spend with Sis working on a gift for her husband as a first anniversary present. We pretty much did a whole entire scrapbook over those two days ... and this is what Sis did all by herself ...

Know what? It was most definitely the best page in the whole album!! I may have created a monster!!

Ugh, I should really get back to my paperwork!

I just wanted to say ... Sis, if you are reading this then I love you to bits and I am so glad that we are back on track. In just the last few months, I truly feel we are closer to than ever before and I'm glad you are back in my life properly :-)

Ack okay soppiness over ... back to the paperwork!

Anyone got a huge band-aid?

Cus I'm going to need one to plug up the holes I have been discovering in my business ... and some of these holes are YEARS old - yet I hadn't realised them at the time.

I am NEVER going to fall behind on my paperwork again! OMG the things I have learned have been incredible ... and that, I guess is the saving grace! At least having to go through this has really focussed my mind on exactly what I need to do for going forward and I am damned well going to do it. I was so engrossed in the paperwork today that when I realised I was missing a bank statement, I bundled the kids into the car (without their socks and shoes - I was in a hurry!!) and drove down to the branch to get a printed copy so I didn't have to stop work!!

I've spoken to a few accountants via email today and the plan is that once I've got my lil ducks in a row, to email the spreadsheets to a "proper" accountant for them to check over my numbers and submit the tax returns for me.

So today has been a day spent at home with the kids on half term doing housework and paperwork! I was going to take them to the park for some quality time and fresh air but it has been hammering down with rain all day... so we all spent the day cooped up in the house! I did manage to get all the laundry washed and through the tumble dryer too ... damn I can be such a housewife! LOL

Deep Breath (a quick one!!)

I can't stop to breathe properly just yet though! A few deep breaths and then get my head back down is about all I can manage!

The kids are on half term and it's just not practical to take them into the workshop with me, so I spent a good part of the day engrossed in my paperwork and getting some of my figures inputted into excel spreadsheets as that's all stuff I can do from home. I only got two and a half months worth of data entered, but I felt good about it as I had still technically been "working" during the day today even though I wasn't pouring wax.

It's crazy that I feel I somehow have to justify it to myself when I don't go into the workshop during the day. I am the only one that I have to answer to, and I'm definitely my own worst critic! I went into work for a couple of hours this evening to pack up orders and that made it okay ... but meanwhile I'm going to be a few days behind on orders after half term is finished... and that means that I have stress and anxiety incoming ... oh joy!

I have SO much to do and SO few hours to get it all done in, but the weird thing is that since I actually started tackling this all head on and making real roads with the paperwork and accounts, I've not had a single panic attack or any "stress bubbles" (like nervous butterflies in my stomach). There is seriously a phenomenal amount still to do ... but I know I can do it! Even what I did today on my spreadsheet still has things missing that I need to go back and add in (like my merchant account processing charges, cash receipts and a breakdown of my business credit card statements etc) but it's going well!

Once I have got all of my ducks in order, everything will be working perfectly and my new systems are running beautifully ... it will be worth the agony in the long run!

It's been a good day in all though - with my achievements for the day plus other reasons that I can't mention here... I have a smile on my face! It's always good to smile and I haven't done it often enough recently!

Ooooooooooops sorry!

Well damnit I've been busy!!

After a few days of paperwork filing I had to totally concentrate on stock for the show.... which meant this weekend was totally out as far as blogging goes!

So the show? Well, it wasn't exactly brilliant the first day (yesterday) but today (bank holiday monday) I did a bit better and ended up overall only £50 down on my target for the weekend, so not so bad in the end!! I did take a few pics, it's just late and I can't be bothered to download them - so sue me LOL! (ok that was a joke incase anyone was wondering!!)

Megan was terrific this weekend at the show - a true dynamic selling force! I swear most of the sales were probably down to her and the "balls" that she has when she interacts with customers!

Anyway, it's late ... I'm okay ... and knackered!!!

236 votives later ....

Yeah that has been the sum total of my Friday night!

Damn I live an exciting night huh!! I have a two day show Sunday & bank holiday Monday, and as I have spent most of this week working on accounts, paperwork, and current orders, I had to spend the day pouring stock today! I take mainly votives when I do shows, so it involves wicking, bagging and labelling literally hundreds of votives in preparation. When I have a whole pile of stock to package, I bring it home and attack it with a glass or four of wine! I didn't do brilliantly at the last show, so there hasn't been a huge amount to do ... but I have wick'd, bagged and labelled 236 votives tonight!!

I've had a really good day today! I haven't done a huge amount done with the paperwork & accounts, but I did get QuickBooks up to date as far as 1st May this year (from 1st April) so that only leaves me the last few weeks to input into the computer. I feel REALLY positive about the progress I have made towards the accounting ... it's only been a week since I started making inroads into sorting the backlog out, and in that time I've done sooo much! I know I could have done more - but I'm not going to kick myself about it. I'm setting myself targets and missions to achieve each day, and as long as I do that - I am happy!

It's been a crazy week ... and it isn't over yet!!

I want to marry my dentist and have his babies!!

Well c'mon girls, wouldn't you want to go to the dentist more often if yours looked more like mine?! Somehow it makes the unbearable so much more bearable when you have something pretty to look at and ohhh he's definitely good to look at!

This fine specimin of dentistry is otherwise known as Paul Winkley from The Strand Dental in Worthing. The photo is cribbed from their website - I'm not like stalking my dentist or anything! Hahaha Anyway, when I went for my first consultation it was after years (and I mean about 16 years) of not going to the dentist and being incredibly lucky with my teeth.

I'd had a bad experience when I was younger and been petrified of dentists ever since ... but as soon as I walked into the building I just felt at ease. It's private and not NHS, but I tell you --- you get every penny's worth out of it. This place is purpose built - ie not some crappy converted house with 1940s carpets that smells of old people and dental mouthwash! I must have phoned like eleventy hundred dentists, explaining what a nervous patient I was ... and saying I'd call back .... until I spoke to The Strand! They just put me at ease over the phone, and it cemented it when I walked into the building!

My very first consultation with Paul was a couple of years ago and I was in so much pain. It was excruciating! I needed root canal work AND an extraction, so fairly major work... but Paul promised me that I wouldn't feel *any* pain ... and as I was particularly nervous (it was like a white knuckle ride except I LOVE rollercoasters!) he even gave me an extra boost of pain killer!

Know what? I didn't feel a thing and even the initial mild discomfort I felt while sitting in the dentist chair was NOTHING compared to the feeling of being totally pain free when I left there!!

I would have gone to the dentist a lot sooner with this recent pain if I hadn't seriously believed it was related to my periods because the last couple I've had ... I've had toothache at the same time but it's been controllable with pain killers! It has been getting worse over this week to the point that the over the counter pain relief wasn't even touching the sides ... so today I got me a dentist appointment!!

An x-ray, extraction (and £92) later I am 100% pain free. I can even swallow REALLY cold drinks now without wincing!!

God damnit I'm going to sleep well tonight!!!

Nathan's quad bike ride!!

My mum organised a fantastic treat for Nathan as part of his birthday! She arranged for him to spend some time at the beach patrol office in Worthing. He got to look around the lifeboat - they let him sit in the driving seat and start up the engine ... he had a brilliant time!! I dosed myself up on painkillers for the toothache and smiled all the way through it for Nathan!

Ohhh and of course not forgetting the quad bike that the guys use to patrol the beach that he got to ride on!! OMG did he love this or what!!!

The guys from the office were really fantastic and showed him a great time! He said his favourite part was going for a ride on the quad bike around the beach!

Loved this shot of him talking in the mic to the guys out on the boat!

A great afternoon and a very happy little boy! This is the team that looked after him ... and of course his sister in the shot as well :-)

Birthday cake :-)

Yeah okay I know - I'm a terrible person! It's taken me two days to get photos online from Nathan's birthday! Bad bad Dee!

Yummy delicious chocolate cake ... mmmmm

It was a bit of a mis-match of cake candles but I found eight, and I don't think it really mattered!!

Grrrrrrrrr LOL

I woke up with astronomical toothache around 5am and it took a while for the painkillers to kick in, so by the time my alarm went off I really hadn't had enough sleep and woke up feeling groggy this morning. I swear toothache is WORSE than childbirth! At least with childbirth it's pain with a purpose and it may hurt like hell, but at least you know it's going to end!

This toothache is killing me. I'd originally thought that it was related to my period because it seemed to hit when I was on ... but even that has been hard to track recently. I didn't have a period for a few months after Christmas, then I had a nasty heavy one ... then I've had two in the last 5 weeks ... this last one has really dragged on too, but it seems to have finished today and I still have the toothache. If I could afford the dentist - I'd go ... meanwhile I'll just keep relying on painkillers!

I still went into work this mornig ready to crack on despite feeling like crap because my newfound motivation won't let a lil thing like toothache get in the way! I seriously felt like curling up on the sofa in my "staff room" and just going to sleep, but instead I got some orders poured, made some hurricanes for stock and paperwork wise, I have got my most outstanding year now filed into date order in my filing cabinet!!! Yeah, I rock!!

In true "Dee style" I've got pretty coloured dividers separating the months out so it's organised AND pretty LOL and I bought a pink notepad to staple my current cash receipts into! LOL Tomorrow's plan is to start on the rest of the filing and I've set myself a target of this weekend to have it ALL filed in monthly order! By next week I need to be going through my old bank statements (which I have also found and filed!!!) to add up all of the incomings and outgoings year by year. Once I reach that point, I'll be able to make an appointment with my local tax office and they will help me to fill in the returns once I have the numbers. This totally negates the need to pay an accountant and saves money -- something I love to do!!! Okay so I won't have a full accounts listing for those outstanding years, but I'll know the numbers and I'll be able to work out exactly what I owe the tax man and I'll have the paperwork to back it all up.

Plus ... with L's help I have been working out exactly what my current costs are ... ie the essential things that I need to pay to keep the business afloat and I have a much better idea of what actually constitutes a good and bad week now!!

The thing that has frustrated me today is that all of the data entry I did last night into QuickBooks has all been for nothing because I realised this afternoon that it was all screwy!! I realised this when I was invoicing a customer and recording it as paid, then marking the actual payment into my bank register ... I figured it was registering the payment twice as far as income goes and thereby giving a false profit reading! This is not good!! It's what you get for a free download version huh!

I do actually own a full working copy of QuickBooks with the key code and registration code .... mine is the 2001 version and I rang QuickBooks customer service hoping to get a download site so that I could re-install it without the CD, but unfortunately my version is so old now that they no longer support it! The woman I spoke to was really helpful and said that as I was an existing customer I can get the current 2008 pro version for a discounted price AND I could pay monthly via direct debit. I snapped it up! It also includes an upgrade to the 2009 version when that's ready. CDs are on the way and that will then be my way of getting the current financial year (from April 1st onwards) absolutely 100% up to date!

I haven't had a single anxiety attack or felt the real "rush" of stress and panic since I started going through the paperwork last Thursday. Funny that eh. The crazy thing is that I've know all along that THIS has been one of the root causes of my stress, yet it's been the thing that I have avoided doing for so frigging long now. I'm still very worried about it all because the more I get involved with the numbers, the more I worry I can't afford to make it ... but that just makes me MORE determined to sort it all out!!

Nathan's Birthday :-)

Well he made it to 8 years old!! I do have some pics, but I've had such a hectic day (more about that later) that I haven't had a chance to download anything yet!

Nathan had a fabulous day - pressies in the morning and he got a new Nintendo DS (his third one due to breaking them GRRRR!) with a new game from his dad and me ... some Ben 10 toys from his Aunt & Uncle, a cheque from his Gran and a football & England watch from his Nan.

In the past we have always gone waaaaaay overboard with presents, but this year I'd purposely said to hub that I didn't want to be spending a fortune on extra little bits and pieces because a) we can't afford to, and b) we are spending £100 between us on a new DS AND a new game!!

To be honest, Nathan loved what he got, he's a happy boy, and I don't think he missed out AT ALL with "quantity" because he does understand the value of what he got too.

Apparently he had an "awesome" day at school too! Always good to hear!

This evening we all went out for a family meal at the restaurant around the corner (The Sussex Potter) at Nathan's choice! Ate waaaay too much, had fabulous desserts, made a complete mess and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves!

Where's Dee up to with the paperwork I hear you asking?

Well, so kind of you to ask! LOL Okay so my mission today was to sort through the oldest papedwork and get that in month order... nice big tick on the ole checklist there! Tomorrow the plan is to START 2005 month order filing and get some orders poured. I sent out a fair few boxes today, got paperwork filed AND I have even organised a system to file all of the current and future paperwork too!

Damn I am actually loving sorting all of this out --- I just WISH I had got off of my giant (slowly shrinking thanks to the gym) backside months --- no, years ago! *sigh* I'd be in a MUCH better position today if I was *insert more deep sighing and regret* Ack ok enough with the self butt kicking ... I'm sorting it out NOW and really getting into it!! At work today amidst a massive circle of paperwork (12 months in a year = 12 piles of papers!) .... I stopped and just smiled to myself because I feel like weight is being lifted from me daily ... hahaha no wonder the gym is working for me ... I'm exercising my stress calories away!!

Anyway ... (lol I do ramble huh)

This evening my mission is to input every customer I've had since April 1st 2008 into my newly installed QuickBooks and raise an invoice through the software so that I can see straight away exactly how much I'm making currently. I'm not going to allow myself to go to bed until it's done! I've got 3 more weeks of customers to input from the bank statement up to the current date, then I just have to add the ones from the shopping cart that I haven't been paid for yet .... but I'll forgive myself not doing that bit until tomorrow - well, depending on what time it is when I'm done with this lot anyway!!

A couple of people even commented today that I am sounding happier and looking better! I swear it could be a combination of losing that extra 3lbs outside of my comfort zone, braving up to sorting through the paperwork ... or all manner of outside influences and you wanna know what? I don't care! I feel more positive right now than I've felt in a l-o-n-g time and it feels great! I can face the world and whatever is thrown at me tomorrow because I'm not going to sweat the small stuff anymore (nope gonna file it instead! HAH!) and damnit forget the present --- I'm living for the future from now onwards!!!!

Okay time to come down from my cloud and get my head back into these numbers!!!

Yeah back in my comfort zone!

Well, according to the scales anyway! How mad is that ... I join the gym (went three times this week plus the body pump class) and spend a week watching what I eat ... and 3lb just drops off of me!!

I'm at the top end of my "comfort zone" ... but hey, at least I'm back in there again! My comfort zone has a 3lb barrier, so I want to at least lose that other 3lb as my first target and then do away with my comfort zone altogether!! I tell ya, stress is great for weight loss ... your mind is so pre-occupied with worry that you can't even think about eating, let alone actually eat anything!

My clothes feel looser, I can SEE the difference in the mirror and most of all, I feel it in myself and that is what counts. I've been through so much over the last few months and recently it's felt like I'm finally heading for the turnaround in my luck that I know I deserve!

I'm not taking a sleeping pill tonight ... we'll see how it goes!!

I'm gonna be a paperwork QUEEN!!!

The majority of my crap stuff paperwork has now been sorted into date order, and it has only taken the sum total of a couple of hours a day over the last 3 days. How sad is that? I truly am kicking myself for not doing this sooner - especially considering how quickly I've managed to get through it all since Friday afternoon and how far behind I had allowed myself to get. I could have done this months ... years ago. I will never EVER be in a position where I don't know my numbers (or at least be able to lay my hands on the info right away!) ever again!!

Okay there is still a LONG way to go to get to zero, but the worst part of going through the boxes and organising it into date is done! Next step is to make sure I have all my bank statements dating right back so that I can go through it all and meticulously record every single outgoing and incoming through the bank, and then file all of my cash receipts. Alongside that I've installed new accounts software on my laptop so I am going to find *everything* from 1st April this year so that at least going forward my tax year from 08-09 will be 100% in order!!

I couldn't have done it without L's help! Just having such a close friend in my corner who knows me well enough to say "Dee, you're a great candlemaker and your product truly is terrific, but you are fucking shite with your paperwork!" has been just what I needed to motivate me! LOL there aren't many people who actually have the BALLS to stand up to me, but L is one of them! L has been there for me in a way I hadn't ever seen coming - and I am truly grateful.

I need to prove I can do it ... not to anyone else, but to myself! I am my own worst enemy and I know it! God, I feel so motivated right now and so ready for tomorrow!! Lemme at Monday morning so I can get started on my "to do" list and make some phone calls!

Proud Mama Bear!

God I love these proud mama bear moments! Megan had such a fantastic day today and she really made me proud! She was put forward for a "pupil enrichment course" for musically gifted and able children ... and selected as someone with natural talent to nurture!! She was invited to do a one day workshop called "Sing Out!" which is about singing as a group and using harmony. I was proud of her already, but when we got there today and I saw it was just THIRTEEN of them on this course I was even MORE proud!!

Here's some vids!! Sorry they are sideways and apologies for the crappy quality - this is the first time I've posted vids from my mobile and I couldn't figure the rotation! LOL You'll just have to watch sideways ... it's about the singing anyway!

Aint she gorgeous?! She enjoyed herself SO much - it was so obvious from the way she was grinning inanely on the way home! Damn she can really sing too - she has a gorgeous singing voice ... I had tears in my eyes as soon as they started singing!!!

I got me a tag cloud!!!

Courtesy of instructions from phydeaux3

How utterly cool is this! I love these on other blogs I read regularly, and I finally got around to adding one to my blog. Tag clouds were originally designed for wordpress, but the guy above fixed it for blogger too. You do have to know some basic HTML code, but the instructions are easy peasy!

Tag clouds make random post browsing much more interesting! I can see the thing I tend to blog about most often. It's not surprising that STRESS makes it up there in big bold lettering eh!

And she procrastinates no longer....

I was up, motivated and raring to go this morning! I went to the gym as soon as I’d dropped the kids at school and had a really good workout… I’m finding my routine pleasantly gruelling, i.e. I feel the burn while I am doing it, but I think I will definitely be looking to increase the resistance when my 6 week review comes up! I came home for a quick shower then headed straight into work.

Wait, it gets better! I spent a couple of hours going through things at work, then it began …

** drum roll **

The paperwork has been started!! I had a friend helping me today, and I swear that L was a worse slave driver than I thought I was! L is firmly of the “touch every piece of paper once” - i.e. file it or shred it school of thought, and I have to agree it’s a much better way than my “throw it in a box and worry about it later” method! L is one of the few people in the world who I can really count on for an honest to god bottom line opinion and who also isn't afraid to tell me either! A perfect person to help get me organised!!

We got through SO MUCH in just a couple of hours - it really didn't take THAT long and it wasn't THAT bad at all. I was really kicking myself for putting it off for so long ad not doing it sooner. If I had just spent half an hour a day for a week I’d have achieved the same thing myself and I could have done it months years ago. Okay enough kicking, I'm doing it now and I am NEVER going to let myself get to this point ever again. Besides, even if I didn't want to get straightened out (which I do!!) well, let's just say that I don't think I will be given any choice in the matter! LOL

This box was FULL - and I mean stuffed FULL of crap! This is only one of the boxes that I have with paperwork in, but it was certainly the bulk of it!

And look at it now!! It's less than a quarter full and it's totally organised! All of the paperwork is neatly filed in date order with card separators until it moves into the filing cabinet when we've been through the other boxes. All of the rubbish got shredded and every piece of paper got anally sorted into date order! The result is a much lighter box ... and an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders!! There is still a serious amount to do and I'm not entirely sure that I have every single piece of paper together yet, but damnit it feels so good to have really started it.

The next stage is probably going to be the worst, but it's also going to be the most interesting, because that is the part where I will find out my numbers and THAT is what I need to know to stay in business. I need to log absolutely every single piece of paper, every incoming and outgoing that I have and work it all out to the last penny. I need to know where it's all coming from ... and where it's all going!

It scares the crap out of me, but strangely, I am looking forward to it at the same time! If I have a hope in hell of making this work, then I need to be absolutely on the ball with my paperwork... and it has helped enormously to have had someone else there today to keep me going.

I feel so motivated and ready for it. Bring on tomorrow!!!

Friday Five 16th May 2008 (Old/Young)

Wow I have time to do today's Friday Five before I take the kids to school!

What makes you feel old? Ugh the teenagers these days! I look at them trying desperately to look older, and I remember that it wasn't that long ago that I was one of them ... but I feel REALLY old when I realise that actually, err it was more like over 15 years ago!

What makes you feel young? My kids and the ability to be completely silly with them!! Even out in public I can lark around with them and have a laugh!

What was better the old way? Getting a hand written letter through the post. It had much more sentiment and meant a lot more.

What’s better now that you do it the new way? Although hand written notes have more sentiment, I think technology HAS been a huge improvement in communication. Life is sometimes too busy to spend an hour hand writing a letter ... but it takes 5 minutes to email an old friend you haven't spoken to for a while.

What’s something you are old school about? Family traditions definitely. I was brought up by great parents and I've always said if I can be half the parent that they were ... then I will have done a good job!

Why do I always worry more when things are going well?! It’s such a me thing to do. I worry when there is nothing to worry about because I’m sure there should be something to worry about! Okay, so it’s not like I have nothing to worry about – there’s certainly plenty of that, but I think that really facing my demons has really helped and because I’ve made SUCH a good start on sorting my sh*t out, it has reflected back in other parts of my life too.

I have realised that it’s pointless waiting for the good things to happen to you. You gotta get out there and go find them, or at least be in a place emotionally where you can see new doors and opportunities open to you. That’s how I have been feeling over the last few days since the crappy weekend!!

I went into work feeling refreshed & motivated (gotta love pills for a decent night’s sleep!) and got on a major cleaning mission! I need to find every single piece of paperwork that I have got, and in order to do that ... I need to go through every single corner of the workshop, so I started in one corner and I’ve been working my way round, so the workshop is looking great! I also completed several orders ready to pack tomorrow and the new order tracking & dispatch system that I’ve implemented is already working! I had a couple of customers call to ask the status of their order … I was able to easily find their order details and give them the tracking number, so it’s all good!!

I’ve spent a lot of time today thinking about the future, and it’s amazing the difference that a positive spin can put on things. I am determined to give it one more shot … if I go down then I’ll go down fighting all the way!!

Midweek mutterings

I was really motivated first thing this morning after another good nights sleep. I was in work early and filled in my new dispatch form with all of the details for all the current orders - and it works really well. I was able to get ALL of the completed orders sent out today too!

I went to the gym for a workout before picking the kids up from school and although I was knackered, I did it! I had to skip the rower as I ran out of time, but other than that ... it was good! Even after the pump class last night I wasn't too achy - we'll have to see how I feel tomorrow!

Had a bit of a non-evening really - just watched TV and relaxed ... yeah I know ... imagine that - Dee is relaxing!! LOL Am gonna take a chill pill and get me another good sleep tonight!!

Things are getting a shake up around here!

Okay, first thing first ... I am ready to get back on the world again.

It's amazing what a good nights sleep can do for a girl! I went to bed around 11pm and I don't even remember "trying" to get to sleep. I woke up this morning feeling soooooooo refreshed and ready to start the day. It's been a long time since I felt that.

Pull up a pew - this is going to be a long one!!

I've had a good day today - no, a damned good day! Things are changing around here! I am no longer going to sit around on my backside (figuratively speaking!) and wait for my luck to change. It's time to do something about it myself!!

I pulled together the paperwork I have at home that I could find to hand and took that all into work this morning. I knew I wouldn't have time to really start going through it, but I DID make one big pile of all of the boxes of invoices and paperwork in the workshop and start to get organised. It's the most I've actually done towards it in a long time (being perfectly honest) and it felt good just to make a START on it.

I've promised myself I will spend at least half an hour during each day I'm at the workshop going through the big pile and beginning to sort it into smaller organised files. Just doing that much has already made me feel motivated towards really getting my shit sorted.

Plus, look what I found in the stationary shop in town when I was buying pretty things to file my crap paperwork in (c'mon it's me!!!) I mean how cool is this!?!?!

What girl wouldn't want to get organised when she has pretty folders and pink tak!! It's apparently a limited edition to support breast cancer and I'm all for supporting any of the cancer charities ... especially when you get pink tak! Hehehe!

Soooo at work today I got LOTS of boxes packed, and started a new system for tracking orders in the workshop. I've designed a form that has a box I will fill in as soon as the order is printed with the date the order is received, whether it was phone or internet (with the order number) and the customer's name & postcode. The dispatch date will then be filled in with the tracking number! This way I can see exactly how long it's taking me to fill orders and, keep track of the weekly figures. Yeah yeah, I know ... I should have done that anyway from the beginning, but I'm doing it now!

This afternoon by the time I'd got in from work and picked the kids up, I was pretty exhausted and still needing to catch up on sleep, but I still managed a body pump class at the gym! I'm determined to sort myself out - inside AND out! Although I do pump at the workshop with my bar, there is nothing better than someone else standing there telling you to push it harder!!!

Sooo it's time for a shower, then I'm gonna take a pill and watch Sex in the City re-runs!!

2 pep talks, good friends & sleeping pills!

God what a day. I managed to fall asleep around 4am - then my alarm went off at 7.30 which is the absolute latest I can get up in the morning and still manage to leave the house in time to get the kids to school.

I did take me to the doctor this morning though for a repeat prescription of my happy pills. She was really great and listened to all of my waffle about my lack of sleep and my weird tingling & heavy legs, and then asked me if I've had any increased activity and any increased stress! It was all I could do not to laugh because err yes and hell yes in that order! She said all of the things I described (and it's definitely called restless legs) were all more symptoms of anxiety and that re-joining the gym and getting more exercise is changing the natural rhythm of my body and that it should settle down. She gave me a bit of a pep talk about staying positive and trying to be more optimistic than pessimistic.

... she also gave me something to help me sleep. I've got 10 days worth of Zopiclone which is apparently a "hypnotic" drug. It decreases the amount of time it takes for you to fall asleep ... and increases the amount of time you stay asleep so I shouldn't wake in the middle of the night unless I need the loo or something!!!

This afternoon I popped over to see a friend - and got my second pep talk of the day! L has been a really good friend for the last couple of years and totally "gets" me. L kinda sat there this afternoon and kicked me up the ass (figuratively speaking!) and told me pretty much point blank that if I want to get out of this situation then I HAVE to do something about it .... and fast. The truth is, once I've got the paperwork sorted, it'll be a huge weight off my mind and will probably go a very long way to reducing my stress levels too.

L is very VERY good with numbers and has also offered to help me get set up with a proper system for going forward so that no matter how far behind I am with the paperwork ... I won't ever get MORE behind.

Where would we be without great friends?

Anyway, I've taken my pill for the night ... so I'm off to bed!

2.45am "restless legs" and late night mutterings

I DESERVE sleep. I don't deserve to have heavy restless legs that won't leave me alone. After all I have been through over the last few days, I DESERVE to get a good night's sleep. I spent the evening fairly chilled and relaxed, watched some TV then went to bed around 11pm. Unfortunately an hour later at just past midnight I was still laying there and my legs just felt so heavy and uncomfortable. Restless is the best way to describe it and it sucks.

I got up, made a hot cocoa, had a smoke, watched some Sex in the City re-runs and attempted sleep again around 1am. That didn't last long - it's now getting on for 3am ... I have to be up in just over four hours and for the third night in a row, I'll have had bugger all sleep.

My shitty weekend

Stop the world, I WANT TO GET OFF.

I have worked SO hard and stressed SO much over the last few days and worked myself to the bone. I have completely exhausted myself mentally and physically, and it just feels like it is all for nothing. I've been feeling very unwell - dizzy spells and weird tingly feelings all over my body, and sooooooo tired. The fact that I didn't crash my car driving home from the show today was just a bloody miracle.

The photo taking in Chichester yesterday ended up as a total non event. We started a bit of a walk round, but A is suffering at the moment with a really bad back and he was very obviously in pain .... so we found a pub and had a few drinks while we waited for hub & F to come back. I won't say that I wasn't *slightly* annoyed (okay that's an understatement - I was very annoyed) because I had to go through SO much to get everything done for the show in time to go out for the afternoon. Then, I feel bad for feeling that because it wasn't A's fault - he was well up for it ... just in pain.

Still ... in the grand scheme of things it didn't help my stress levels with wasted time that I could have been working. THEN on top of it all, hub and I had a huge massive fight last night. I don't remember what time I finally fell asleep ... but it was late.

I then had to get up really early this morning and left for the show at Fontwell Racecourse in plenty of time. Megan was with me and I swear had it not been for her in the car then I probably would have lost it totally. I couldn't find the turnoff for it! How crazy is that? I've driven past it like a gazillion times ... but the entrance that I thought was the entrance - well, it wasn't!! I ended up going in completely the wrong direction and having to drive for ages to find a roundabout to get back the other way. It ended up taking forever. I felt my stress levels rising higher and higher until I was in floods of tears in the car!

I am angry with myself for allowing that to happen in front of Megan. It's not exactly the first time she's witnessed a meltdown, but I should have held it together better. I didn't show her a very good example of coping... We finally got there with just a few minutes until it opened so it was mega-speedy unpacking the stock and getting it all set up.

The final pisser? It was a really dreadful show and I only just really covered costs. There were hardly any people through the door - it was sooooo quiet. I can stand there smiling for 6 hours when it's worth it ... but standing there for 6 hours when it's deader than a dodo ... when I'm already feeling dizzy and unwell was not good. Megan kept me together though ... hehee she said it wasn't a bad day because we did make some money and we got free cake! Bless her.

Still ... it makes me continue to question WTF I am actually doing? If I am getting so wound up and so stressed all because of work ... is it REALLY worth it? This weekend - in fact the past few days have been so full on and nonstop and it just feels like it's all for nothing.I want to achieve my dream and get a shop because I know damned well I have a great product ... but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

The start of a new me!

Well I did it! I was up early and at the gym for just after 8.30am this morning. I did my full workout with no cheating and it was actually okay! I was tired and sweaty at the end of it ... but I got through it all. The crunch machine absolutely killed me as it's right at the end of my workout! I nabbed this photo from the web but it's a very similar machine to the one at the gym.

You grab the handles at the head end, and your feet go through the other end. You have to use both your arms and your legs to bring them both up together at the same time and woaaahhh you feel the burn on your abs!. I have to do 2x15 reps ... and by the time I got to the 11th rep on the second set I really had to force myself to do the last four ... but I did!!!

Got home, had a very quick shower then went into work to finish off the prep for my show tomorrow. I'm home in time for a quick sandwich before I'm off out this afternoon taking photos!

Part of me wishes I hadn't said I'd do this as I'm exhausted and could do with chilling out and get more stock made for Sunday ... but it will be fun and I know I'll enjoy myself once I get into it!

Hub and I have been friends with A and F for years ... F wants to go out on a motorbike and A has just got a new camera and wants to play ... so we're "wife-swapping" for the afternoon but strictly for motorbike riding and photo taking! Hub is whisking F off on his bike, and A & I are off for a bimble around Chichester taking photos and I'm going to set him some challenges!

Right, best go charge the camera battery!!